Getting rid of a habit should get easier every day. Or so you would think at least. I know now, after 14 days, it is not easier yet. It might be in a few weeks or months or years but at the moment I don't feel better at all.
I've removed one of my ways of relaxing, releasing dopamine. I've chosen to not have sex with anyone and probably won't until I am sure that person cares about me 100% because I've lost trust in men (no offence).
So what's going on with in my head? Let me tell you, if I knew I would feel much better but at the moment my head is a mess. No thoughts make sense to me and all I want is to have those few moments of orgasm to feel better.
But I can't. The whole reason for me starting this was so I could learn to feel good without creating some pretend feeling.
I would have given up days ago but I already feel like a failure. That's the only thing that keeps me on track, I can't seem to stay away from sweets even though I've promised to, I can't get the things done that I should to and I don't feel better but at least I can keep my fingers away. I'm basically using the lack of failing with this as a way to feel better but at the moment it's not helping.
I still have a long way to go. It's been over a month since I had an orgasm. I know my day count is 14 days but I started much earlier than that I just didn't do it on purpose. I know some women go their whole lives not having orgasms (with their partner at least) and I've only gone a month and a bit more but I'm starting to crave that kick again but that's dangerous because it means me risking doing something I will regret later.
But anyway, enough ranting. To sum up, it's hard. Very hard right now and I need all the support I can get.
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