...make lemonade.
Well there is only so much lemonade a person can drink and I don't think it's a good thing to share it.
So this might seem confusing so let me explain, I feel that my life is bad. I have no reason for living, issues that I can't seem to solve and worst of all, the only person that has ever made me feel happy hasn't spoken to me for over a month and probably will never speak to me again.
I started NoFap to learn how to unwind and get my negative thoughts out of my head by actually dealing with it instead of masturbating. So far it hasn't taught me anything. Yes, I sometimes feel stronger when I resist and I have started to exercise more which is a good thing but I still go to bed, wonder what went wrong, why can't I be happy and wishing he will show up outside my door.
The first week I had no libido at all. It even got to the point when I had to go and see a doctor because I was in pain (TMI sorry). The lack of libido made it easy, I didn't want to masturbate and I didn't miss my ex that much.
Now my libido is back and I'm struggling. It would be easy just to do it once, no one would know except for me. Maybe that's what stopping me, I don't want to disappoint myself. I need to prove to myself that I can do this. The problem is, I haven't decided on a goal because I didn't think I would want to masturbate again but I do. The only problem is that I only want to do it when I think of my ex and that should definitely not be my source of attraction anymore.
Well life is giving me lemons at the moment, a lot of them and I still have a long way to go until I will think NoFap has helped me but at least I know that I want to keep going. Too much lemonade is not healthy for anyone but I'm not going to blame my problems on anyone else.
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