I had a good day. For the last 8 hours I've been surrounded by friends that have made me laugh and feel liked. I know they like me because they make an effort to keep in touch with me and make sure I am ok. It's been a good day but the truth is I'm not ok.
Lying alone in my room thinking of the mistakes I've done in life. Or maybe not, I'm thinking of everything I've done and I'm considering it as a mistake. Not only that I am on the verge to masturbate. Been wanting to do it a couple of days now just to get that good feeling again of pleasure. But I won't. I can't. If I do that I prove to everyone else that I am as much of a failure as I think I am. I didn't think it would be this difficult.
A week ago I had no intentions of masturbating. Mainly because the only thing I wanted to do was to disappear. Now I want to disappear but I also want to feel that short moment of happiness. Or should I say fake happiness.
I need to keep working on myself because the person I am at the moment is not the person I want to be at all.
No comments:
Post a Comment